Three weeks back I asked my roomie a question. I gave him 2 options and asked him to take sides. He said, “I can’t. I can’t take sides. I am bad at making decisions. ” And then I started explaining him how important it is to take sides and not opt for the mid-way. One can’t always be on both sides of the shore, right? Is that it?
Three weeks since then I started thinking about it and felt as if I was wrong. I wish I could take the neutral stance at times. That makes it easier. To be bad or to be good is a question that keeps nagging me all the time. And I feel that I need to alter my conscience a little bit. That is also because I’m fed up of being guilty for even the smallest of the fights that I have with my peers. I hardly have fights for that matter. I really don’t have fights. I don’t know how that works. But am glad. Though I loved it when some of the guys would have a fight for no reason. It was the funniest sight for me. I absolutely loved it! And I was pretty guilty about that too. As in liking the fights, coz we’re supposed to be non-violent. It’s an OCD, I guess. ^_^
So talking about black or white. What I’ve come to realize is that you cannot really label anybody good or bad. I want to be good, but I can’t help being bad either. I’d rather be a seven on pH. But yes, there has to be more good to you than bad. That way even if I commit mistakes I don’t feel as bad as I used to. It’s okay to be wrong at times, but it is more important to learn from such instances. I’ve always felt that I was too good at school. And that didn’t work in my favor at all times. I eventually got fed up of being so. That just made my life a little boring.
But yeah, I’ve always hated the feeling of guilt and sometimes the hopelessness that comes with it. I haven’t been able to make any posts about the following until today. Sometimes being neutral might not always be the correct thing to do. I heard this from a friend of mine. According to her a gay friend of hers who is married to a woman is leading a happily married family life. Yes, you heard me correct. It’s a family! A child born out of consensual sex. I don’t even remotely know how that works. To be brutally honest, “That is a crime!” Like seriously this is one issue that frustrates me to the core. How can anyone on earth be so weighed down by the notions and the stereotypes of the society? This isn’t good. This is like so not good. This is like a straight woman doing it with a woman. Or a straight man doing it with a man. Not happening, right? Don’t you dare think that you’d be able to suppress your homosexuality through your marital status. Your conjugal bond to a woman will only make things worse. You are not just killing yourself but her too. She doesn’t deserve all that crap. So please! If you are in such a relationship or if you’re married, and you know you’re gay then you need to go and talk to your partner about it before you’re caught red-handed watching gay porn by your partner. Seriously people, I mean it! If you’re still in a relationship and not married then you must let her know about it and break-up asap. Better now than later. Better now than never. The same applies for any member of the queer community. You would never be able to do that.
And if you’re a bisexual, talk to your partner about it first and make sure she/he is okay with it. If you have confusions, talk to yourself first. If you’re too busy to do that, go talk to a counselor. I personally believe in the former option. The counselor will make you feel better only for an hour or so. But you live with yourself. There is possibly no one who can help you better that your own self. I have personally been to two counselors. That didn’t help (also because I hardly answered anything correctly to my second counselor 😛 J ).
Moral Of the Story: Don’t be scared to be who you are. You are the best when you learn to live in your own skin. All the Best! 😀
PS (Edited Version): Since my dear friend Rupam mentioned about it, I thought I must share it with every body. Because if this has really happened, then this is sad and needs to change!
Photo Courtesy: http://www.debrapasquella.com/
The above pic is from one of Westboro Baptist Church’s protests. They protest at funerals of children, military personnel and pretty much anyone they can think of. They blame the death of everyone and anyone on gay people and Jews.